An Open Letter

A digital journal

I just finished recording and editing day 2 of Advent of Code, this is going to be a pain I can already tell lol. My tutorial from day 1 got 500 views, and a surprising amount of people commented, liked, and subscribed. I’m glad I was able to help people out, and that makes me pretty happy!

That being said, today was pretty fucking horrible. Last night Hash was shivering, and seemed like he was uncomfortable so I was a bit worried. This morning, after our walk he suddenly started wincing, whimpering, and stopped walking. I called the vet to schedule an appointment and then had to go teach my section. When I came back, he was lying down and when I went to pick him up to put him in the car, he started shivering like crazy and whimpering. His abdomen was incredibly tight, and he looked in pain. The vet eventually got back to me and said possibly that he has a back problem, but she isn’t sure about what the issue is either. He could have swallowed something, a GI issue, or some other possible infection but no definite answer.

On Tuesday he has his X-Ray, which will cost $800 out-of-pocket. He might also need sedation, if he is super uncomfortable, which will cost another $600. I want what’s best for him, but at the same time, $1400 is a lot of money to get slapped with. I just want him to be ok, and not in pain. He now has a good amount of pain medication and some extras that hopefully should make him feel better.

Last night I barely slept at all, I was waking up almost every hour and was finding it very hard to go back to sleep. I’m afraid tonight might be the same.

Situation: Hash might need to be sedated for his X-ray, which will cost a lot of money.

Thoughts: I don’t know how I can afford this, and intrusive thoughts are getting bad.

Feelings: I feel horribly stressed, overwhelmed, and like a horrible person for the intrusive thoughts.

Behavior: I shut down completely, and I feel horrible.

Thoughts: If I need to spend the money, I need to spend the money. It is not the end of the world, I want him to be ok. Also intrusive thoughts don’t define my morals or who I am.

Feelings: I feel scared, but more reassured.

Behavior: I don’t let this anxiety dominate my life.

I love hash, and I love you. I pray for both of our health. Goodnight Suman ♥

Hi! I’m actually feeling good today, and it might just be because I took my medication which gives me a lot more motivation, but I feel happy regardless. Advent of Code started today! I’ve got some friends who are doing it with me, and I’m super happy about that. I decided for this year that I was going to record a walkthrough for each day, and it’s actually a lot more work than I thought. I ended up doing like 4-5 takes for different parts, but it ends up with a nicely polished(ish) video. I’m thinking I’ll also get better at this as time goes on, and I hope to stick with this project – as I want to do more video editing stuff in the future also. I have a ton of different fun projects that I’ve let sit on a shelf, so I’m hoping to at least do some.

I also successfully will complete NNN in 20 minutes, so that’s pretty cool – this was my first time intentionally doing it. I’m also being somewhat productive, working on my app for my final project, and it’s weirdly gratifying. I enjoy it a lot. I’ll keep this one short, as I have to teach a section tomorrow morning, and I want to have enough sleep for that.

Situation: Hypothetically I am a girl at the gym struggling with self-image, and some random guy comes up to me and goes “Hey, how’s the bulk going?”, while I’m trying to lose weight.

Thoughts: Some incredibly toxic ED thoughts would be my first guess, and also it would probably lock in as some core insecurity.

Feelings: Feel horribly shamed, ugly, all that bad stuff.

Behavior: Insecure, probably stop going to the gym, hide body.

Thoughts: Maybe the guy just wants to be cruel to someone random, or has something against women. There’s plenty of rational reasons for someone to say something like that, that don’t involve it being true.

Feelings: I’d probably be taken aback, but I wouldn’t let it really get to me as much. It’s just a one off instance anyway, there are plenty of reasonings that don’t involve me.

Behavior: No trauma!

Such a weird thing to do CBT about, but it was something I was thinking about at the gym today, and I don’t really know what else I’d wanna do CBT with today. Oh well! Till tomorrow, love you Karyios! ♥

Hey. I’m again doing this at 1 am, and I’m super tired. I’ve been working on my final project for 7 hours, and I’ve been debugging for the last 2 hours. This is hell on earth, and I lowkey love it. I’m grateful I get to do this. But it also is absolutely miserable. Something about imagining Sisyphus happy.

I realized I am depressed again, things haven’t been feeling good. I think I may know why, but it’s always speculation so only god knows. I had a pretty good session in therapy today, my current stressors turn out to be more triggering than childhood SA which is pretty funny if you ask me. I guess I’ve gotten more comfortable mentioning that at least, which is kinda interesting. I remember as a kid I told myself those would be things I take to the grave, and I only recently told someone it for the first time a few months ago.

So many issues in life end up feeling like they dominate my every moment, and that I have no option other than to kill myself if I want them to be solved. I feel this way until they get solved. And then I barely ever think about them again. Isn’t that such a weird mannerism? I don’t think I’m alone in this, but it’s still pretty interesting to think about.

I’ve also noticed I’m depressed again because I realized that there is virtually nothing I want to do anymore. All the things I do are more out of habit, or obligation – to myself or others. I’ve at least gotten pretty good at forcing myself to do things. I remember how I used to sit and rot in bed for 16 hours a day. I feel like I’m kinda still the same person, but I’ve just gotten more discipline. My ADHD medication does help me here though, it’s nice to be able to focus on something and have motivation to actually do things. Shame it’s fleeting.

I saw a pretty cringy poem on TikTok, but it resonated so I saved it to my phone and set part of it as my status.

You have so many layers, that you can peel away a few, and everyone’s so shocked or impressed that you’re baring your soul, while to you it’s nothing,

because you know you’ve twenty more layers to go

It’s pretty cringy, I’ll admit that – but I did feel weirdly seen. I feel like I’m fairly open, but at the same time, I’m incredibly reserved, which is a very weird dichotomy. I’m almost always willing to answer any questions or inquiries, but at the same time, I virtually never reach out or mention personal things I feel. I am still pretty open, I find it a good way to involve people in my life by sending them messages when it applies – but at the same time with a lot of important things, I don’t mention them unless someone asks me. I spent Thanksgiving alone and got incredibly depressed. I didn’t message anyone that day, and I more or less tried to self-isolate. I don’t think anyone would know that I was struggling horribly badly then if they didn’t read this blog.

I don’t think I need support from people, I can handle all of this stuff on my own – or at least with my therapist and other tools. But I still do feel pretty disconnected from people. I feel like people only really see the facade that I put up to function in society. To be fair, it is also somewhat me – I think I’m happier and not in my mind as much when I’m around friends. But at the same time, I’m incredibly depressed a lot. I struggle with a lot of things, and I don’t really feel like I can share them with anyone else. I’ve reached out to some friends, and they’ve been very supportive and encouraging, but I’ve been waiting for them to reach out to me for support before I ever reach out to them again. I don’t ever want to be a burden.

I weirdly romanticize the people who commit suicide without people recognizing they’re depressed. I don’t want to commit suicide right now, but I also do think there’s something resembling justice when people finally see the person they think is good finally reveal what’s going on. It somewhat feels like a “fuck you” to the culture and nuances in relationships that make connecting and getting support so hard. I sometimes fantasize about the thought of people around me mourning me, but I don’t do it as much anymore thankfully. God this got depressing. Let me just go ahead and do CBT before I ramble anymore, thank god this is tucked away by a wall of text.

Situation: R zn wvzgsob zhsznvw lu gsv gslftsg lu klhhryob xfnnrmt wfirmt bvhgviwzb'h wzgv, uiln evib orggov hgrnfozgrlm

Thoughts: Hsv dlfow szev nlxpvw nv, zmw nzwv ufm lu nv uli rg.

Feelings: R dlfow uvvo orpv wbrmt.

Behavior: R zelrw hvc zmw zmb hlig lu rmgrnzxb uli dzb olmtvi, zmw szev gsv kilyovn tvg dlihv

Thoughts: Nzbyv rg zrm'g gszg wvvk? Kviszkh rg rh nliv lu z nv kilyovn nliv gszm zmbgsrmt vohv. Gsviv'h z evib orpvob xszmxv gszg hsv dlfow szev yvvm uozggvivw, zmw hrmxv dv dvivm'g zmbdzb tlrmt gl yv wlrmt zmbgsrmt iveloermt nv, hsv kilyzyob dlfow szev yvvm kilfw zylfg gszg. Rg dlfow hfivob hfxp gl olhv MMM, yfg rg dlfowm'g yv gsv vmw lu gsv dliow

Feelings: Dvriwob uli gsv urihg grnv R wlm'g uvvo gszg nfxs hsznv zylfg rg. R gsrmp ru R ivzorav gszg gsv lgsvi kvihlm rhm'g hsznrmt nv uli rg, dsb hslfow R uvvo hsznv?

Behavior: R hgzig gl tvg levi gsrh uvzi, zmw gsvm gsv uvzi lu uzrofiv rhm'g gsviv hl R zn uivv gl ivzoob gib gl urc rg.

Do things change that quickly? That’s kinda incredible. CBT really is powerful. I’m proud of you for the things you do. People love you, including me wvkivhhvw ♥

Hey. So I went on our first “formal” first date, and it went relatively well. Things were still a little bit awkward, and I definitely feel like she’s a bit lower energy than I’d prefer – but that may just be because she’s nervous.

I’m a bit worried because I feel like I’m equating everything to these first few dates – meaning however it is now is how it’s going to be forever. I think that’s an obvious fallacy, so I don’t want to give it too much weight. But I’m still a bit concerned, as I don’t know if this is what I want out of a relationship if it even gets to that point.

It’s a bit weird because I don’t know if I’m really being myself around them or not, as I find myself acting the way I do when I’m trying to seduce someone. I don’t think that’s the kind of person I want to be in a relationship, but I also don’t find myself being the kind of person I enjoy being around with this person at the moment. It’s weird.

I think I might go ahead and jumble up some sensitive topics, just because they aren’t things I’d feel comfortable with random strangers or friends seeing, but I can’t be bothered to do CBT or journal in a separate place consistently also. Here’s to a new tradition!

Situation: Zonlhg xznv wfirmt gsriw yzhv rm yzxp lu xzi zugvi wzgv

Thoughts: Gszg dzh gll uzhg, zmw R'n zuizrw lu wrhzkklrmgrmt gsvn rm gsv yvwilln. R pmld R'ev hgifttovw drgs kivnzgfiv vqzxfozgrlm vevi hrmxv tvggrmt luu nb HHIR'h, zmw R nlhg orpvob szev KHHW – yfg rg hgroo wvhgilbh nb xlmurwvmxv. Gsrh rh dsb R hglkkvw szermt hvc uli levi szou z bvzi.

Feelings: R slmvhgob uvvo orpv xibrmt. R drhs R xlfow vmqlb hvc, yfg gsv gslftsg lu xfnnrmt gll uzhg zmw yvrmt nlxpvw uli rg nzpvh nv dzmg gl xib. R'ev yvvm gibrmt nb yvhg gl dlip zilfmw rg, zmw rg uvvoh orpv rg wlvhm'g nzggvi ru R hgroo nzpv hvc kovzhfizyov – yvxzfhv R szev z wrxp gsvb'iv tlrmt gl vckvxg nv gl fhv rg. Gszg gviirurvh nv, zh R wlm'g pmld dszg R xzm wl zylfg rg.

Behavior: R zelrw zmb hlig lu rmgrnzxb li hvc

Thoughts: Hvc wlvhm'g mvvw gl rmeloev nb wrxp. Ru z gizmh trio xzm szev z tllw hvc oruv drgslfg fhrmt tvmrgzorz, R xzm gll. Gszg yvrmt hzrw, R szev gsrmth R xzm hgroo wl. R xzm fhv mfnyrmt hkizb, R xzm fhv gsv mvd nvwrxzgrlm R tlg, R xzm nzhgfiyzgv yvulivszmw, R xzm gib tlrmt uli z hvxlmw ilfmw, vgx. Zohl uli xlmgvcg, R szevm'g xznv rm 28 wzbh. R zohl hkvmg orpv 20-30 nrmfgvh urmtvirmt gsvn zmw nzprmt lfg zolmt drgs sfnkrmt, nzpvh hvmhv R'w yv olxpvw m olzwvw olo

Feelings: R hgroo uvvo hzw, yfg R wlm'g uvvo orpv R mvvw gl zelrw rg levizoo. R uvvo orpv R szev hlnv xlmgilo levi rg.

Behavior: R zn zmcrlfh zylfg hvc zmw rmgrnzxb, yfg R gsrmp R'n xzkzyov lu vcklhrmt nbhvou gl rg zmw hgzigrmt gl tvg levi gsrh uvzi.

I feel somewhat like crying, and violently anxious about it, but at least I’m working to try to fix it. Give me some mercy God. I wonder if this will be one of those problems where eventually it gets fixed and I look back and forget I used to worry so much about it. I love you Big ♥

I ended up picking her up from the bus station a bit ago, and we got in and out afterward. It ended up being a weird little first date I guess.

I don’t like how I’ve been doing this journaling + CBT right before I sleep, as it always feels rushed. I wonder if it’s becoming something I feel forced to do. I don’t think it is, and I think it’s good for my mental health so I’ll try to continue with it. That being said, I’m keeping this one incredibly short.

Situation: She was pretty awkward first time I met her in person for various reasons, and as a result I was a bit awkward too.

Thoughts: This is just what it is.

Feelings: I feel conflicted, as it definitely wasn’t incredibly comfortable.

Behavior: Generalize this to future dates

Thoughts: we explicitly went into this with that context, since it was late at night and we both weren’t really presentable. It still wasn’t bad!

Feelings: I feel like the pressure of “first date” is off now, so tomorrow’s date should go smoother.

Behavior: Less pressure on me, things went fine – I am chilling.

I’m pretty tired and a bit confused, this is relatively uncharted territory for me. Oh well! Love you Anshuman ♥

Oopsie. Put this bad boy off again, and here I am. This time I'm in my bed writing this on my phone. Sorry! I'll try to be better and maybe do this earlier in the day.

Near the end of the day I know I usually get depressed, and that's just a chemical thing. I think it's pretty good for introspection still.

This month is NNN, and I can't believe that I have had 3 girls want to break that. Good Lord, since when does that shit happen. I wonder if it's because I've gotten more attractive, or if that's placebo and it's just confidence. I still feel afraid of a lot of things. Oh well, for another day. I guess I'm still figuring out if I feel comfortable talking about sex stuff here.

Situation: Have a date on Tuesday, don't know their level of commitment or investment

Thoughts: feel like I have to interview and secure this, they're the one in power with options.

Feelings: I feel stressed, nervous, anxious and overall like this is transactional

Behavior: I self sabotage, and reinforce toxic views on relationships internally.

Thoughts: women are just like me fr. I also am a big catch, so I am not worried if I don't find anyone right now and then. I'm completely content being single and happy with that, and so I'm under no pressure. I also firmly believe later in life I will have no issues getting a relationship.

Feelings: I feel more in control about things, and also feel more secure overall.

Behavior: I don't sweat thing as much, and I don't feel pressured into anything since I'm fine with any outcome. I'm free.

Love you. Sorry for being abrupt right now, I'll update properly later. Love you forever and always Suman ❤️

Shame this one is rushed, it’s freezing, and I wanna go to bed super badly. I’ll reflect on today later, but today was a lot better than I thought.

I didn’t get any presents, but I was still happy. A friend invited me over and we drank and had a great time watching movies and messing around. They ordered dominos, and wouldn’t let me pay them back. I’m going to take that as my present. I’m so glad I met them.

I feel like I’ve gotten a lot more distant with my friend who’s doing study abroad, but I also don’t think that’s something that’s realistically in my control. I think they have to figure out what they want because right now is what they want, but I think they don’t like it.

I’m in a position where I don’t rely on anyone, and it frees me a lot. I’m super grateful for my online friends, they’ve been with me through everything. I’m also glad my birthday/thanksgiving is over. Hopefully, Christmas isn’t too rough this year.

Situation: Birthday wasn’t fully alone

Thoughts: I can find things to make me upset, and reinforce the idea that I am alone.

Feelings: I feel sad, alone, and depressed.

Behavior: I am miserable for no reason

Thoughts: I had a good night. People care about me, and someone cares enough to make sure I wasn’t alone on my birthday. This is what I wished for.

Feeling: I feel like happy crying, and I feel loved.

Behavior: I feel good, and I have more hope for the future.

Love you. Hope 22 treats you well. Goodnight big ♥

Gonna have to keep this short since I don’t want to be awake for midnight. I’m feeling less depressed, I talked with friends, and one of them even went out of their way to make sure we would do something together! Maybe this year won’t be as bad. Also, the friend who asked about my T-shirt size mentioned how they had a secret present they wanted to see my reaction to in person, and I feel like they actually care.

I’m not used to having people care about my birthday, this is a weird feeling. I was thinking about that quote:

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. — Rumi

Maybe I am loved?

Situation: Birthday is tomorrow

Thoughts: I want to self-isolate, and throw a pity party for myself. I want to self-sabotage myself as much as possible so that I can justify how depressed I am around my birthday. I want pity, and I also don’t want anyone to know.

Feelings: I feel absolutely and utterly miserable.

Behavior: I self-sabotage, and make myself depressed unnecessarily.

Thoughts: It doesn’t have to be something depressing, I can enjoy my birthday.

Feelings: I feel scared, but also more at peace. Maybe everything will be ok.

Behavior: I don’t self-sabotage, and start to unlearn this pattern of getting horribly depressed around this time.

I’m scared, but that’s how I know I’m growing. Love you Suman, have a happy birthday tomorrow ♥

I was thinking about why I don't feel comfortable talking about how I struggle with mental health with some people, but with others I feel comfortable doing it. I think it fully just boils down too knowing that the other person has been in similar situations, and they feel comfortable telling you about it.

With the person that I'm talking to now, they've opened up about some stuff, and have been comfortable talking about difficult moments and things they're struggling with. With some other friends, I don't feel that way. I can't really think of any times they've reached out for support the way they mention it's fine for me to.

I feel like inherently I can't trust this, because I'll always have the fear that I am being too much for them. If someone also opens up to me and does similar things, I'm not afraid of burdening them with my issues because it's a two-way street.

I think vulnerability is necessary for internet connection.

A friend asked me how my Thanksgiving was, and I told them I wouldn't say. It was fucking miserable, but that's my cross to bear – no one else's. Holidays are a time for people to be happy, and I refuse to let my circumstances ruin that for anyone else.

I can deal with this shit alone, and anyway it will be over soon enough. I signed up for a week guest pass at golds gym, since the rec cen is closed. I don't know if it's safe for me to, but I think I'm going to go for a PR on my birthday, no matter what. I need at least something to look forwards to I think.

Ive been sleeping at 4-5am recently, but I think today I'm going to try to sleep before midnight. I don't wanna be awake when my birthday starts, as that's normally when people get spammed with happy birthday texts but I don't think I'll get any, so I'd rather not be disappointed. I was thinking of keeping my phone off the entire day, but Shaco remembered my birthday and I don't want him to be worried about me.