A digital journal
Me S, L, and T are planning a trip to Japan and I’m incredibly excited. Thankfully the yen is weak against the dollar, so the trip is incredibly affordable right now. I’m not a huge fan of Japan, but I have been wishing to go on a trip with friends for a long time so I am praying this happens. This is going to be chaotic and I can’t wait.
I came home, and instead of playing games I worked on writing the blog. Hopefully sometime soon this very post will be on my new website! I used a lot of github copilot, and holy shit it’s so nice for react. Give it a little bit more, let it auto create stuff like tests and I’ll become a god damn web dev. It instantly created a login page for me with what would have taken me days of tailwind. I’m just proud of myself.
Oh yeah, I also fucking RAN 2 MILES FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!! I just told myself no matter what I would not stop, and when I ended I was gasping for breath for a good few minutes. I’m so proud of myself.
Super short post since I’m barely lucid, it’s almost 3 in the morning. We stopped playing games like 3 hours ago and then just sat talking the rest of the time, and just opened up and went through each others tiktok likes to harass them lmao.
I turned on my camera a few times and I was weirdly self-conscious about my body, not from insecurity but because I don’t want to look attractive or muscular. I just think it’s a funny horseshoe coming from being super insecure about my looks, to not wanting to show off.
I’ve been playing a decent amount of Asseto Corsa recently, and even got myself a cheap steering wheel from amazon. Part of me wants to be a driver that can terrify the passengers in my car, and I think about why that’s the case. I feel like it’s maybe because I want to be feared, as maybe that’s a bit adjacent to respected in my mind. I’m not really sure.
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I’ve already started daydreaming of another car. I also talked with my therapist today about the hedonic treadmill that S brought up when I was excited to buy my current car. My therapist said that one of the views of philosophy is that the hedonic treadmill applies when you feel like you need something to fill a hole in your life, and when you believe that something will give you happiness. Almost like when you feel you need something. I think that’s something I can be aware of, but also something that I may try to game in my own mind – if I can convince myself that something that would be part of the hedonic treadmill is not, does that mean I’m deluding myself or that I’m breaking free from it? I’m not sure if I’m even making sense at this point, for some reason I’ve had a bad headache and my brain just isn’t working today.
When I only had a limited amount of time, I held onto it way more. I savored every moment and really cherished it. That same thing felt monotone when I knew I'd have it forever. I think there's a valuable takeaway there.
It’s happening! I placed the order today. The initial excitement has gone down, but I’m still incredibly happy. I can’t wait to just launch it all behind me.
Today I forced myself to go to plans, and went to a pool party with friends. I got a lot closer to some of them, and really enjoyed the time. I'm going racing tomorrow with them and hopefully ordering my new car! I think it is that simple, just do things scared and things change.
After shopping around for a car, I started to learn a little bit more about how finances work. By making some smart choices, I was able to save 7.5k immediately and an extra 200$ a month on insurance, all by myself. I honestly felt very empowered, and I want to learn more about finances. I’m starting to work full time next year, and so I want to get a good jump on things. I enjoy feeling like I am not ignorant.