A digital journal
Tomorrow I have my first round interview for Meta, and its for a machine learning engineer position. I’m terrified since I don’t know if I’m ready for it, as the bar is miles above just a master’s degree. I’m afraid of having the opportunity for exactly what I am dreaming of, and what if I fuck it up and fail. I’m afraid of resenting myself for not doing enough or not doing as much as I should have. But that fear won’t help me now, will it?
I uninstalled tiktok a bit ago, and now I find myself falling victim to the Instagram reels doomscrolling. Looking back at it now, I realize how much of my time I waste just scrolling mindlessly, doing things I don’t even really want to do. I want to try fully stopping this scrolling pattern, as I’ve mostly replaced it with Reddit now. I’ve somewhat reverted to my prior patterns, but let me try setting a screen time limiter or something of the sort later. I also want to get bigger, or heavier. I’d like to be bigger. And stronger I guess, it feels like a shortcut to strength and that’s what I’d like I think.
I got a message from a recruiter from Meta asking to setup a call soon for a machine learning position. What a dream! I pray it works. I really pray.
I’ll write about this later, but I guess in a weird nova-effect way I’m glad it’s broken. I’m sad it’s $100 wasted due to negligence, but hey I’m glad what happened. I’m happy I’m resilient enough to not get caught up by it either.
I had a good interview today, and so I hope to hear back with the final round soon. I also got another email from another smaller company offering an interview, and I hope that it goes well since I’d love to be able to actually do good work.
Turns out the job application isn’t really a prestigious job, but rather just generating data for an LLM for coding tasks. I feel like I’d crush it, but at the same time it may get soul sucking. Oh well.
I wanted to write more about this but I ended up staying up way past when I needed to go to bed by because I was dopamine addicted to leetcode questions. I just kept doing one more, and then just one more until I finished like an additional 15 or so. This is a better form of dopamine addiction I’d say but still DAMN. I wanna write more about this song later, but I was really fucking with it today – I got home and immediately worked on learning to play it on the guitar. I love the imagery from it.
Today A came to martial arts, and I realized how I’m comfortable with the thought of it now even though earlier on I was afraid of friend groups mixing at all. I do feel kinda low right now, maybe I should have gone to the gym. Oh well, tomorrow I definitely will – with my no tech stimulation day. I hope I enjoy reading!
Yesterday night on an impulse I uninstalled tiktok, since I wanted to reclaim my attention span. Today at the gym without tiktok I actually had an AMAZING time. I spoke to about 7 people, and also just pushed my body so incredibly hard it was super gratifying. I’m happy I uninstalled it.
I’ve neglected my sleep a decent amount and so most of the things I think or say right now are barely lucid. It’s mostly just whichever hemisphere of my brain is responsible for the automatic processes just doing its best at next word prediction. I don’t think I should really write anything of substance today so I’m going to leave it here I guess.