Super short post since I’m barely lucid, it’s almost 3 in the morning. We stopped playing games like 3 hours ago and then just sat talking the rest of the time, and just opened up and went through each others tiktok likes to harass them lmao.
I turned on my camera a few times and I was weirdly self-conscious about my body, not from insecurity but because I don’t want to look attractive or muscular. I just think it’s a funny horseshoe coming from being super insecure about my looks, to not wanting to show off.
I’ve been playing a decent amount of Asseto Corsa recently, and even got myself a cheap steering wheel from amazon. Part of me wants to be a driver that can terrify the passengers in my car, and I think about why that’s the case. I feel like it’s maybe because I want to be feared, as maybe that’s a bit adjacent to respected in my mind. I’m not really sure.
I’ve already started daydreaming of another car. I also talked with my therapist today about the hedonic treadmill that S brought up when I was excited to buy my current car. My therapist said that one of the views of philosophy is that the hedonic treadmill applies when you feel like you need something to fill a hole in your life, and when you believe that something will give you happiness. Almost like when you feel you need something. I think that’s something I can be aware of, but also something that I may try to game in my own mind – if I can convince myself that something that would be part of the hedonic treadmill is not, does that mean I’m deluding myself or that I’m breaking free from it? I’m not sure if I’m even making sense at this point, for some reason I’ve had a bad headache and my brain just isn’t working today.
When I only had a limited amount of time, I held onto it way more. I savored every moment and really cherished it. That same thing felt monotone when I knew I'd have it forever. I think there's a valuable takeaway there.
It’s happening! I placed the order today. The initial excitement has gone down, but I’m still incredibly happy. I can’t wait to just launch it all behind me.
Today I forced myself to go to plans, and went to a pool party with friends. I got a lot closer to some of them, and really enjoyed the time. I'm going racing tomorrow with them and hopefully ordering my new car! I think it is that simple, just do things scared and things change.
After shopping around for a car, I started to learn a little bit more about how finances work. By making some smart choices, I was able to save 7.5k immediately and an extra 200$ a month on insurance, all by myself. I honestly felt very empowered, and I want to learn more about finances. I’m starting to work full time next year, and so I want to get a good jump on things. I enjoy feeling like I am not ignorant.
Me and S installed it and the mods and were driving no hesi together while L watched. We kept going into low orbit after hitting the traffic dividers, and kept respawning together. It was a blast, another great night. After he got off me and L went down a rabbit hole and were looking at all of our digital footprints. It's 2am and my brain isn't working, but I hope I remember how I enjoy these memories.
I order the car on Saturday, and it’s actually happening! I still can’t believe it. I bought a Uniden r3 today and that comes tomorrow from amazon, so I can at least get that setup now. I’m really going to miss my Prius, I hope whoever she’s with next treats her well.