My god, music just sounds so fucking good. I get so overwhelmed, I want to cry. These are so beautifully not happy tears, and not sad. They’re these feelings just bursting to get out of my body any way possible, whether it’s through tears, vommit, dance, or just gurgles coming out of my throat. It’s like I’m a conduit for this just HUMAN feeling, that I can’t describe in any way other than holding back sobs. I’m so fucking happy. It feels like the human experience is blasting through my mind, each arp, synth, even the fucking absence of sound fills me so fucking damn full. I’m a cup not just full, but drowning in a sweet honey nectar with no viscosity at all. I’m both falling and soaring at the same time. I’m not just happy I’m not dead, I’m happy I got the opportunity to be here right now. It’s enough to make it worth it.
I love being able to spend my days with E. Four months flew by in the blink of an eye, mostly because she has felt like she’s been with me my whole life.
So about that, it’s 3:45. I do think however one nice thought from today was that I should set my goal in league to be hitting a certain number of games, rather than a certain rank.
I feel like I’ve written about this before, but I had a really really good gym session with E today. We left around midnight, and it was 1 hr 40 minutes of legs, including 4 sets of bulgarian split squats. I felt so fucking alive. I almost cried at home while I told E about music and just art overall. Fuck man I’m happy to be alive.
Me and T just played a ton of arena and for the first time I kinda stopped trying so hard to win and was doing stupid shit like paladin ashe, or attack speed zilean. We actually ended up doing pretty damn good, and I ended with an ADAPt + master of duality katarina game, and I just checked and saw that I hit masters on arenasweats! It’s silly but I’m happy haha.
E on call released whatever was trapped in Pandora’s box, and I put it into a discord soundboard clip as soon as possible. Also I’m starting to feel like myself again which is nice, and I’ve set my goal to be solve one rubiks cube blindfolded this month.